....but he still got a shag

Mate of mine was an usher at a wedding in Scotland, it was the whole caboodle, kilts and no underwear etc.
He got pretty pissed after the reception and chatted up a very attractive (or so he tells me) blonde girl whom he took back to his room for some nooky.
They were on the bed, still dressed when he suggested that he order a bottle of champagne to make it 'a bit special' so he rang room service who arrived a couple of minutes later.
He got off the bed, answered the door and went back into the room with the champagne.
The blonde had got off the bed and was straightening her skirt, saying that this was not a good idea and she didn't normally do things on the first date. She left.
He was completely bemused as to what had made her change her mind so quickly until he went back to the bed and saw an 18 inch skid mark on his side of the bed. He had not wiped his arse properly (as you do when pissed) and did not have the protection of boxer shorts / kaks.

He did however manage to get the blonde pissed later, and get a shag...in her room.