The husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage. The counselor asks them what the problem is, and the wife goes into a tirade listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been married. She goes on and on and on.
Finally, the counselor gets up, goes around the desk, embraces the woman, kisses her passionately, rips off her clothes and makes mad passionate love to her. Needless to say, the woman shuts up and sits quietly with a very satisfied daze.
The counselor turns to the husband and says, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do that?"
The husband thinks for a moment and replies, "Well, I can get her here on Monday and Wednesday, but Friday I play golf."
10/31/2008
10/21/2008
Imposible To Please
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
10/17/2008
....but he still got a shag
Mate of mine was an usher at a wedding in Scotland, it was the whole caboodle, kilts and no underwear etc.
He got pretty pissed after the reception and chatted up a very attractive (or so he tells me) blonde girl whom he took back to his room for some nooky.
They were on the bed, still dressed when he suggested that he order a bottle of champagne to make it 'a bit special' so he rang room service who arrived a couple of minutes later.
He got off the bed, answered the door and went back into the room with the champagne.
The blonde had got off the bed and was straightening her skirt, saying that this was not a good idea and she didn't normally do things on the first date. She left.
He was completely bemused as to what had made her change her mind so quickly until he went back to the bed and saw an 18 inch skid mark on his side of the bed. He had not wiped his arse properly (as you do when pissed) and did not have the protection of boxer shorts / kaks.
He did however manage to get the blonde pissed later, and get a shag...in her room.
He got pretty pissed after the reception and chatted up a very attractive (or so he tells me) blonde girl whom he took back to his room for some nooky.
They were on the bed, still dressed when he suggested that he order a bottle of champagne to make it 'a bit special' so he rang room service who arrived a couple of minutes later.
He got off the bed, answered the door and went back into the room with the champagne.
The blonde had got off the bed and was straightening her skirt, saying that this was not a good idea and she didn't normally do things on the first date. She left.
He was completely bemused as to what had made her change her mind so quickly until he went back to the bed and saw an 18 inch skid mark on his side of the bed. He had not wiped his arse properly (as you do when pissed) and did not have the protection of boxer shorts / kaks.
He did however manage to get the blonde pissed later, and get a shag...in her room.
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