1. Preserve thyself.
2. It is easier to fix the blame than to fix the problem.
3. A penny saved is an oversight.
4. Information deteriorates upward.
5. The first 90% of the task takes 90% of the time; the last 10% takes the other 90%.
6. Experience is what you get just after you need it.
7. For any given large, complex, hard-to-understand, expensive problem, there exists at least one short, simple, easy, cheap wrong answer.
8. Anything that can be changed will be, until time runs out.
9. To err is human; to shrug is civil service.
10. There's never enough time to do it right, but there's always enough time to do it over.
5/13/2009
5/02/2009
salewoman in Arizona
A saleswoman was driving toward home in Northern Arizona when she saw an Indian woman hitchhiking. Since the trip had been long and quiet, she stopped the car and the Indian woman got in. After a bit of small talk, the Indian woman noticed a brown bag on the front seat.
"What's in the bag?" she asked.
"It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband," said the saleswoman.
The Indian woman was silent for a while and then said, "Good trade."
"What's in the bag?" she asked.
"It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband," said the saleswoman.
The Indian woman was silent for a while and then said, "Good trade."
4/23/2009
Guru brands £484bn U.S. aid 'half a Viagra'
THE world's second-richest man has dismissed Barack Obama's $787billion stimulus as just 'half a tablet of Viagra and a bunch of candy'.
Warren Buffett warned the U.S. President's first rescue package - worth £484billion - 'doesn't have really quite the wallop'.
The investment guru believes a second, more potent stimulus could be needed to jumpstart the world's biggest economy. His warning will increase the pressure on Mr Obama, who is not convinced of the need for a further bail-out.
Mr Buffett, who supported Mr Obama in last year's election, said the U.S. is showing little sign of returning to growth. Americans suffered 'a shock to the system' following the financial chaos of last autumn.
Although there were signs that the economy was starting to recover, Mr Buffett predicted that U.S. unemployment, which is already at a 26-year high of 9.5 per cent, could peak at 11 per cent this year.
Known as the 'Sage of Omaha', Mr Buffett, 79, has amassed a £23billion fortune as one of the world's most successful investors. In 2002 he warned complicated investments known as derivatives, which were at the heart of last September's banking meltdown, were 'financial weapons of mass destruction'. buying sildenafil online north carolina
Warren Buffett warned the U.S. President's first rescue package - worth £484billion - 'doesn't have really quite the wallop'.
The investment guru believes a second, more potent stimulus could be needed to jumpstart the world's biggest economy. His warning will increase the pressure on Mr Obama, who is not convinced of the need for a further bail-out.
Mr Buffett, who supported Mr Obama in last year's election, said the U.S. is showing little sign of returning to growth. Americans suffered 'a shock to the system' following the financial chaos of last autumn.
Although there were signs that the economy was starting to recover, Mr Buffett predicted that U.S. unemployment, which is already at a 26-year high of 9.5 per cent, could peak at 11 per cent this year.
Known as the 'Sage of Omaha', Mr Buffett, 79, has amassed a £23billion fortune as one of the world's most successful investors. In 2002 he warned complicated investments known as derivatives, which were at the heart of last September's banking meltdown, were 'financial weapons of mass destruction'. buying sildenafil online north carolina
4/22/2009
wow, it's been a long time coming for an update. some background on the last few months. things have been exceptionally busy and i've been trying to not take idiocy to heart as much. well, really the busy thing; i haven't had time to post.
but here i am with what has to be some of the stupidest commenst to date.
in order to understand some of these, some background will need to be given. when a new game comes out, we have to supply "set up" info to our accounts so that their receiving can receive the product correctly. this set up includes; weight, dimensions of individual units and also case pack dimensions. simple enough.
simple, meet club accounts**. club accounts, meet simple. you kids play good together and no fighting.
unfortunately, club accounts HATE simple. i mean, simple must have taken club accounts milk money, stole his bike, fucked his sister or something cause club accounts and simple are like open wounds and whiskey.
so this one club account, that shall remain nameless, wants us to ship their games in "keeper" cases. these are the long plastic cases that you see at the best buys of the world. the ones that the cashier needs to open before you leave the store. ok, no problem. we'll do the work for your stocking clerks cause we know you hire what are essentially the menatlly handicapped.
but wait, we want more! we designed a nifty shipping carton/tray thing in which you put six units into, close and ship. that way our floor monkeys only have to tear the top off and put the box out on our tables. ok i says. it's an extra expense that we have to eat but hell, happy customers make for fatty profit.
now HERE is where it gets fun. we had the boxes made to their design and dimensions. we've bought the boxes. we've bought the keepers. now they chase us to no end to get the deminsions of the nifty shipping/tray.
i don't know your fucking dimensions nor do i want to. YOU supplied them to ME and now your threatening to cancel orders if WE don't get YOU the dimensions THAT you supplied to ME?
go fuck yourself and your 300 piece nation wide order.
more to come as i vent.
**club accounts - these are the "big box" stores that typically require a membership. you know the ones, you go in and but a gross of toilet paper to save 1/2 a penny on a roll. or hey! that 5 gallan can of refried beans just saved me three cents an ounce!
but here i am with what has to be some of the stupidest commenst to date.
in order to understand some of these, some background will need to be given. when a new game comes out, we have to supply "set up" info to our accounts so that their receiving can receive the product correctly. this set up includes; weight, dimensions of individual units and also case pack dimensions. simple enough.
simple, meet club accounts**. club accounts, meet simple. you kids play good together and no fighting.
unfortunately, club accounts HATE simple. i mean, simple must have taken club accounts milk money, stole his bike, fucked his sister or something cause club accounts and simple are like open wounds and whiskey.
so this one club account, that shall remain nameless, wants us to ship their games in "keeper" cases. these are the long plastic cases that you see at the best buys of the world. the ones that the cashier needs to open before you leave the store. ok, no problem. we'll do the work for your stocking clerks cause we know you hire what are essentially the menatlly handicapped.
but wait, we want more! we designed a nifty shipping carton/tray thing in which you put six units into, close and ship. that way our floor monkeys only have to tear the top off and put the box out on our tables. ok i says. it's an extra expense that we have to eat but hell, happy customers make for fatty profit.
now HERE is where it gets fun. we had the boxes made to their design and dimensions. we've bought the boxes. we've bought the keepers. now they chase us to no end to get the deminsions of the nifty shipping/tray.
i don't know your fucking dimensions nor do i want to. YOU supplied them to ME and now your threatening to cancel orders if WE don't get YOU the dimensions THAT you supplied to ME?
go fuck yourself and your 300 piece nation wide order.
more to come as i vent.
**club accounts - these are the "big box" stores that typically require a membership. you know the ones, you go in and but a gross of toilet paper to save 1/2 a penny on a roll. or hey! that 5 gallan can of refried beans just saved me three cents an ounce!
4/01/2009
a question overheard, not directed towards me
in all honesty, had this been asked of me, i really could not tell you how i may have responded. some options that spring to mind:
* "you're shitting me, right?"
* i instantly and permanently become stupider
* stared blankly until that half second when no one else is looking and just shoved them out the third story window. it'd be akin to putting down old yeller
* taking their hand, walking them slowly to a conference room, asking them to wait while i go gather HR, their boss and an independent witness; asking them to repeat the question once more.
so what's this question?
"um, are fed ex and ups the same company?"
* "you're shitting me, right?"
* i instantly and permanently become stupider
* stared blankly until that half second when no one else is looking and just shoved them out the third story window. it'd be akin to putting down old yeller
* taking their hand, walking them slowly to a conference room, asking them to wait while i go gather HR, their boss and an independent witness; asking them to repeat the question once more.
so what's this question?
"um, are fed ex and ups the same company?"
3/10/2009
please leave me alone.
go away, please. not only do i not need your input for something that i have done at this company for 4.5 years and in this business for 10+ years, i find all of your comments to be asinine and a complete and utter waste of my time and resources
in closing, it would serve the company far more if you would focus on why print is late then help in planning cd manufacturing and pack out, two things that by your own admission, the last time you had anything to do with was during the 16 bit era of gaming. times have changed; media has converted from cartridges to discs; lead times are shorter; capacities are different; gaming is now high profile, no longer a niche market. in today’s age, we consider vendors to be partners and we treat them as such; whining will get you nowhere.
not only do i find your input ludicrous, i find it tedious and your personal hygiene quite disgusting and you have an “atrocious ignorance of personal space” (thanks E.A.B.)
in closing, it would serve the company far more if you would focus on why print is late then help in planning cd manufacturing and pack out, two things that by your own admission, the last time you had anything to do with was during the 16 bit era of gaming. times have changed; media has converted from cartridges to discs; lead times are shorter; capacities are different; gaming is now high profile, no longer a niche market. in today’s age, we consider vendors to be partners and we treat them as such; whining will get you nowhere.
not only do i find your input ludicrous, i find it tedious and your personal hygiene quite disgusting and you have an “atrocious ignorance of personal space” (thanks E.A.B.)
3/06/2009
"Are you a moron in a cage?"
"NO!"
"Moron on the loose! Moron on the loose!"
I was approached with a sheet that I had made that has the dimensions of a product, 7.5 L x 5.5 W x 0.5 H. In the other hand, was an actual PS2 game. Foir those of you not into gaming, it is the same size/shape as a DVD case so you have a visual.
With these things in hand, they are set on my desk, the person looks at me and asks "can you help me figure out which is which?"
I get a ruler and point out that the longest number is 7.5, Long = Length. I point out that the middle number of 5.5 is how wide it is, Wide = Width. Then I point out how deep it is, 0.5.
"OH! Height is the same as Depth?"
Depends on how you look at it moron but those numbers should be self explanatory.
I may throw the Pi symbol on there as a fourth dmension, simply to watch the struggle manifest itself between the brow.
"NO!"
"Moron on the loose! Moron on the loose!"
I was approached with a sheet that I had made that has the dimensions of a product, 7.5 L x 5.5 W x 0.5 H. In the other hand, was an actual PS2 game. Foir those of you not into gaming, it is the same size/shape as a DVD case so you have a visual.
With these things in hand, they are set on my desk, the person looks at me and asks "can you help me figure out which is which?"
I get a ruler and point out that the longest number is 7.5, Long = Length. I point out that the middle number of 5.5 is how wide it is, Wide = Width. Then I point out how deep it is, 0.5.
"OH! Height is the same as Depth?"
Depends on how you look at it moron but those numbers should be self explanatory.
I may throw the Pi symbol on there as a fourth dmension, simply to watch the struggle manifest itself between the brow.
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